Guilt and Pick & Mix Parenting

We had a bit of a gathering at our place over the weekend and several friends with kids were there. While enjoying watching the kids playing together I was thinking about parenting styles. Everyone we know has different strategies for raising their kids, all of which are right for them and the respective families they're building. I've never seen obvious criticism between friends of parenting styles (nor do I think critically of the way anyone I know does things) and yet I often feel guilty and vulnerable when I share elements of our parenting style.

Some of it is probably that I'm new to the game - perhaps with more time that'll change - but I reckon some of it is down to how apparent criticism of things is in the media - just check out the comments section on any article on infant sleep for an example!

Anyway, much as anyone can weigh in on anything (like I'm doing now, ha!) and much as I love to read every article on the internet to work out how to raise my kid... At some point you've got to just stop and think about the lifestyle you want for your family, pick out what works and run with it. (actually, I imagine plenty of folk less obsessive than I just run with what works from the start - but I am who I am so humour me here!)

There are many different labels - attachment parenting, helicopter parenting, authoritative parenting, to name a few - which can intersect and overlap - and I suspect most people find a mixture of things suit them. I certainly don't completely relate to any one label - I have picked out the bits that work for me and ditched other things that don't (like I love wearing Young Sir in my front pack which might tick a box in the attachment parenting column, but he's been sleeping in his own room since he was a week old, which doesn't seem like an attachment parenting way of doing things).

My sister has adopted what she calls "family centric parenting" and I really like that term. The idea is that rather than the child being the centre of everything the family as a whole is the focus. I really like the concept that it is whatever works for your family at any given moment in time - different to suit different seasons in your life and different in your family from in any other family. The parenting Young Sir experiences will be different from what his cousins grow up with - my sister and I are different, our lives are different, our families are different - but all our kids will be loved, and hopefully happy and healthy.

And what I'm trying to say, in a very convoluted way, is that I reckon whatever you choose to do for your kids and your family will be best... For your kids and your family. So hopefully we can all move away from guilt and embrace our instinct.

(but I'll probably still be Googling everything, just so you know)