There is no normal!

The thing I hated most when pregnant was being told there was no normal. "They're all different..." "You can't plan for it..." "You just have to take it as it comes..."

I like to know facts, figures, stats, so this approach doesn't really work for me. I like to think I'm pretty good at not getting too attached to specifics like, say, an estimated due date (it helps that Young Sir arrived a few days before his, of course!) but framing up a general expectation so I'm not taken completely by surprise. Whether or not I succeed in not getting attached is somewhat subjective, but at the least I feel more in control when I've got some facts behind me. 

The 'no normal' phrase started niggling me when we were learning about labour at our antenatal class. I understand why it was used - there is huge variation in how things pan out - but the lack of any hard numbers (give me the range and maybe some percentages and I'm happy) made it very hard to understand what to expect.

It didn't stop at antenatal class though - I often ask questions in order to obtain the data I'm interested in, and was told many times in pregnancy to stop worrying (which I wasn't) or that I wouldn't be able to use data to predict my own outcomes (not my plan). My midwife was extremely taken aback when I asked her the complications most likely to occur in my labour - she didn't want to scare me (and the explanations she gave were fortunately not relevant to us) but knowing the path for resolving the stuff most likely to go wrong calmed me. 

Between my incessant (and probably annoying!) questions and because I read a lot about every current obsession (which pregnancy certainly was for me at the time) I was reasonably well informed. The only bit of my labour that was in any way surprising to me was the length of the pushing stage - and apparently mine (about 2 hours) was very normal for a first timer. But I have heard plenty of stories from women who had a really rough time because they had no idea what to expect - and I wonder if that might be helped a bit if real data was provided.  

Anyway, it is true what they say - there is so much variation that there is no "normal" in pregnancy, childbirth and parenting... But there are still averages! 

(Emily Oster's excellent book "Expecting Better " helped me with data on the pregnancy side and I highly recommend it if you are like me and want to understand risks and probabilities)

Do you like to know the numbers or are you happy just taking life as it comes? 

Thirsties One Size All in One Review

I was keen to try this nappy as we currently use and love the Thirsties Duo wraps with our fitted nappies, and they are pretty much bombproof due to a snug fit and the excellent leg gusset. Unfortunately (for reasons which remain a mystery to me) they decided not to bother with the gusset on the new all in one but it's still a pretty good nappy.

I heard someone refer to all-in-ones as the "gateway nappy" of the modern cloth nappy world and this one really ticks that box - really similar to a disposable in how it's used and therefore very simple for anyone to work out (I actually find these easier to put on than disposables).

Nappy construction: PUL shell with microfibre lining and insert. Two sets of domes to adjust rise for smaller babies. My 7kg baby fits the middle setting well. Laundry tabs are immediately adjacent to velcro/aplix, so unlikely to rub against skin and easy to stick straight down when taking the nappy off. Soaker pad is attached at the front and sits nicely within the nappy both length and widthwise. Lining is fully attached (no pocket) so if boosting was required the additional pads would just be laid in the nappy. Very trim!

Nappy weight (dry): 101g

Price: ~$34 (purchased from Amazon so dependent on exchange rate. Nappy Heaven can order these in for a very similar price so enquire if you want to buy locally). 

Ease of use: Extremely easy – very stretchy elastic, strong velcro/aplix, soaker easily contained within the nappy (no folding or tucking needed). 

Absorbency: ~250ml – the worst in my test but still a pretty decent amount of liquid!

Drying time: Extremely quick – under an hour on the line.

Leakproofness: Good  - no leaks experienced and fit is very snug.

Conclusion: My top criteria for nappies is that they hold everything in - which this does easily for my boy. After that comes ease of use and this is as easy as it comes - so this is my favourite out of the nappies I've tried. I also like the price tag - though not the cheapest nappy available I think it performs as well as the $40 nappies - and it comes in some nice prints and colours too.

My only concern is that it is lighter on absorbency than some, so I hope it'll hold up as Young Sir grows - but only time will tell us that!

[Edit: at around seven months of age Young Sir started wetting through these nappies at the front, so I am currently researching the best booster options. I'll report back when I've found a good system!)


I bought this from Amazon, which ships these directly to New Zealand at very reasonable rates. I have since discovered that Nappy Heaven is able to provide these by special order at about the same price - so you have options should you want to buy! 

The Great All-In-One Cloth Nappy Review

Though I love our Snazzipants / Thirsties Duo nappy system it is a sized system – both parts will only last to around 10 months by my sister’s estimation (depending on baby size), and because it is a two-part system it takes longer to put on which I know will get harder as Young Sir gets more mobile.

So I decided I wanted a foolproof, awesome system for the next stage. Because I’m lazy I want something that doesn’t involve assembly (rules out pocket nappies and snap-in varieties) and because I want other people to be able to change my baby’s nappy without a lesson it needs to be simple to put on. This basically leaves the category of modern cloth nappies known as All In Ones (hereafter referred to as AIOs). 

There are lots of great AIOs out there but pocket nappies still seem to be more common among cloth nappy aficionados. AIOs traditionally take longer to dry, but the newer ones have largely resolved this with inserts that fold out to dry rather than being fully attached. And though I’ve found plenty of reviews online I haven’t found many comparative reviews that rate the AIO options readily available to me right now. And so I've done my own testing, and these are my findings! 

Selection process:

In order to be considered, nappies had to:

• Be a One Size Fits All/Most (OSFA/OSFM) AIO nappy
• Have a Velcro / Aplix / Hook & Loop fastening option (I prefer this over snaps)
• Be available in New Zealand or easily available from overseas with reasonable shipping rates

Other preferred (but not compulsory) features included:

• PUL outer (I prefer this over minky, which seems to be the other main option for outers)
• Double leg gusset (the Thirsties Duo covers have this and it seems pretty much completely leakproof)
• Cheap! (hahahahaha… This was wishful thinking)
• Cool prints and colours (definitely not a pre-requisite – these are nappies, people! – but I’d be lying if I said I don’t care at all)

The contenders:

Blueberry One-Size Simplex AIO

Pikapu AIO

Imagine OSFM Stay Dry AIO

Totsbots Easyfit v4 

Thirsties One Size All in One

BumGenius Freetime 4.0

Other popular AIOs include Grovia and Bambooty, but both only offer snap fastening which doesn’t suit us. If it works for you though, I have heard good things about both so they may be worth considering.

Review process: 

Not scientific but hopefully somewhat controlled! My methods are as follows: 

Prep - I purchased one of each type of nappy and did pre-washes as recommended to reach full absorbency. 

Usage - I tried each nappy several times on Young Sir - some were instantly more favoured than others but I gave them all a good shot. It's worth noting here that a lot of nappy preference comes down to fit so my findings might give you a good idea of what you like but might not tell you for sure - I definitely recommend trying one nappy out on your uniquely proportioned small person before stocking up. 

Absorbency - I tested absorbency with water and a set of scales - I weighed each nappy dry, then completely saturated them, gently wrung (as sopping wet nappies wouldn't hold the liquid in when worn) and weighed them. All held at least a cup (250ml) of water, which I think is pretty amazing so for most babies any of these would likely be absorbent enough during the day, but for heavy wetters or possibly for night time it's good to know the heavy duty option. 

Drying time - I didn't time drying but rather just checked my washing at intervals and noted which dried quickest - full marks to those that were dry the first time I checked the line. All of the nappies dried more quickly than the Snazzipants fitteds we have been using up until now so I think they're all pretty good. 

Leakproofness - this is fairly subjective since only one of the nappies came close to leaking - but I don't think any of these would be perfect for newborn poosplosions - if I was using them on a newborn I might still use a cover over the top just in case (at least when out). 

Nappy (click links for detailed reviews)	Price*	Easy to put on (/5)	Absorbent (/5)	Drying time (/5)	Leakproofness (/5)	Comments
Totsbots Easyfit v4	$38.90	4	5	4	4	Pop-in insert required for absorbency but sometimes detaches in the wash. Bulkiest fit.
Pikapu AIO	$32.95	3	5	5	4	Fabrics feel cheaper – don’t think it would last as long (can’t verify this). Only option with a double leg gusset. Fit is a bit strange – gappy at the front and often needs adjusting. Velcro is not very strong.
BumGenius Freetime 4.0	$33.50	5	3	5	3	Love the fit but the seam joining the absorbent inside to the PUL at the leg permits some wicking when the nappy is soiled. Having a flap at either end makes it tricky to de-poop without things getting messy.
Thirsties One Size All in One	$33.09 (including shipping from Amazon)	5	3	5	4	Very trim. Great fit. Not super absorbent (needed boosting for us after about 7 months).
Imagine OSFM Stay Dry AIO	$22.50	3	4	4	4	Tricky to get good fit but very cheap. Soaker snaps out so actually All-in-2 though so far has stayed together in the wash.
Blueberry One-Size Simplex AIO	$39.90	5	3	3	4	Excellent, easy fit. Cotton inner takes longer to dry. Insert is too long when rise snaps are done up so needs to be folded over = extra bulk.

*Full retail price excluding shipping but at most this was $5-6 and is often waived.

I had high hopes for the BumGenius Freetime starting out but its slightly poor leg construction had it relegated out of the game reasonably early – about the time I had to make a dash for the changing station after hearing an ominous gurgling sound and noticing a little, uh, seepage at the leg. First and foremost for me in the cloth nappy scoring game is always going to be that they hold everything in.

I had a leak with the Totsbots Easyfit v4 when we optimistically tried it without the insert. With the insert it’s been fine so far but the insert easily makes it the bulkiest of the lot. 

The Imagine and Pikapu nappies both have a cheaper feel – the Pikapu more so, with both fleece and PUL (the outer) feeling quite cheap. I’m a fabric snob… But I could get past the fabric (especially on the Imagine, which costs so much less) if they had a better fit. But both take a bit of adjusting (at least on my boy) to avoid gappiness at the tummy and around the legs, and that doesn’t seem daycare and grandparentproof.

Drying time used to be the nemesis of AIO nappies, but a little design goes a long way to solving this. I found the Thirsties, Pikapu and BumGenius nappies all dried extremely quickly, with the Blueberry nappy the slowest by a long way due to the cotton lining. 

L-R; Pikapu AIO; Imagine AIO; BumGenius Freetime; Totsbots Easyfit v4; Blueberry Simplex AIO; Thirsties One Size AIO

My sister pointed out that although we don’t need it now, the rise on these nappies can become key depending on the size of your toddler when they are ready (or not!) to use the toilet. I compared them all, and though it’s hard to see in the photo due to the elastic, the Thirsties is the largest and the Pikapu is the smallest. The total difference was perhaps 2cm between smallest and largest, so the increments are pretty small – but 1cm might get you an extra month of them fitting your toddler. 

Young Sir also prefers the Thirsties
nappy (note that we only let him
chew on clean nappies!)

Result

All these nappies will do the job they're supposed to reasonably well. My pick of the bunch is the Thirsties One Size AIO, as it is extremely trim, has a great fit, and is not too pricey. However, it is not as absorbent so may need boosting. The Totsbots Easyfit v4 and the Blueberry Simplex were also both great but quite a bit pricier, and both had minor niggles for me. The Imagine nappy I think is an excellent cheaper option - just didn't meet my ease-of-use criteria. 

I will do a more detailed review of each nappy over the next week or so and will link those into the table above when complete - but this is the key stuff! Hopefully it's helpful. Have you tried any of these nappies? 

How to be an awesome Aunty (or Uncle)

I've been an aunty for three and three quarter years now - I know, nothing in the greater scheme of auntydom but a lot longer than I've been a Mum! However, the latter title has taught me a few things about the former so I thought maybe I'd share my insight for anyone who wants to up their aunty game.

Respect the parents' parenting philosophies
It's all good to be the playful and fun aunt or uncle, but keeping things happy by respecting any guidelines the parents set is a winning move. Mostly at the moment I see this in relation to sleep - when I was just an aunty I didn't understand the importance of the full length nap and willed my nephews to wake up early to play. These days I get it - and though it's a bit dull I reckon boring now is better than catastrophic tantrum later!

Knit, sew or buy fun clothes that the parents won't get for their own kids - but not too manyIt's fantastic having quirky and interesting clothing given - but also recognise that parents often have their own preferred styles for their kids (for both practical and aesthetic reasons) and probably won't want to dress them in the stuff you provide all the time.

Offer to babysit

The no brainer - if you're game - fun times with your nephews and nieces and it'll make your sibling happy because they get free time. When they're small the parents might only be happy leaving if the kids are sleeping - so you get the brownie points for no effort except for hanging out in their house. 

Don't forget that your sibling is also an interesting person
It's a common theme with new babies that 100% of the focus goes on them - and hey, they are way more adorable than most adults. But it does get old after a while only talking about your baby, especially in the first few months when they can't really do much.

These are mainly derived from stuff I've done that was probably annoying to my sister - so I guess it's fair enough if no-one pays any attention and ignores all this in relation to my own offspring! What do you think makes a great aunt or uncle?

Losing my hair (hopefully not all of it!)

Things no-one tells you about pregnancy and childbirth #73 - the impact on your hair.

I (fortunately) had read a little bit about this while pregnant - it's quite common for your normal hair loss to slow down during pregnancy, so your hair gets thicker and your drains don't get as clogged. And then, sometime after your baby is born, your body realises it needs to do some shedding and it starts coming out thick and fast.

But I thought I had dodged the bullet; I didn't notice my hair getting thicker during pregnancy, and I couldn't tell if it was falling out less (I have short hair which I think makes both less noticeable). And I'd assumed the post-natal stuff happened pretty quickly after the birth.

So last week when I noticed that there was hair all over the bath I was taken by surprise - because I thought this feature had passed me by. But then I noticed every time I ran my hands through my hair I'd get quite a few strands. And they started showing up on my pillow and on Young Sir. So yup - my hair is definitely saying goodbye.

I'm not worried, because I know I'm only shedding what my body was holding on to - but I am pretty glad I was pre-informed else I might have freaked out a little when I saw this this morning:

The only question I have is: why do none of the greys fall out? I wouldn't miss them!

The El Cheapo guide to bathing a baby

Because of our tiny house I spent a while researching compact baby baths, since every “must-have” list told me I needed one. There are some pretty cool solutions out there – like the Boon collapsible one, or the bath divider that fits in your tub so you only have to half fill it. But unfortunately these all tend to be kinda costly and I was really looking for something cheaper. And the traditional ones take up a lot of space we just don’t have.

I’ve now come to the conclusion that there’s no need for a dedicated baby bath at all.

We sort of had one for the first few weeks – our laundry basket is a black plastic tub that worked out to be a pretty good size for a newborn bath, so we filled it up and had benchtop baths. It was unwieldy to empty though – and if we hadn’t had it I probably would have given the kitchen sink a good clean and used that.

As Young Sir has almost doubled in size since this photo was taken he no longer fits in his box

After a few weeks we worked out that it’s awesome fun to bath with the baby. Now, you do have to sit in the same bathwater as the baby in order to achieve this, and the likelihood of your baby peeing in the bath is approximately 100%, so there is a slight ick factor. There is also the chance of a poonami, which would be truly gross and I understand if you’re not willing to take that risk. It hasn’t happened to us, and I figure the shower is right there in case of emergency (likely to be accompanied by a dance of ickiness – similar to the creepy crawly dance - surely I'm not the only one who does that?)… But the risk is there.

However. Young Sir really likes kicking around in the deep water, and it’s much easier sitting in the tub than leaning over the side. So that’s a good option.

The other option is the shower. It sounds treacherous but honestly – easier than filling a tub and the baby is only the same amount of slippery. It’s easiest as a two person job – getting in and out is simpler with an extra set of hands to pass the baby to – but completely doable solo as well. If I’m on my own I get Young Sir ready, wrap him in a towel and pop him on the floor, shower myself, pick him up and get him clean, turn shower off, wrap him in a towel, put him back on the floor while I get sorted, then dry him off and get him dressed. Like everything this will get harder when he gets mobile… But for now we’re good!

As for the other baby bath stuff you ‘need’ – the hooded towels are nice and quite cute, and we got given several, but regular towels (astonishingly) also work just fine. Washcloths are handy – when Young Sir was very little we used a muslin as the cloth is a bit softer, but now we just use the regular flannels we already had.

We don’t use much in the way of shampoo or soap (he’s mostly bald and doesn’t get very dirty!) and we have a few samples we got from I-don’t-know-where which do the trick if we do want more than water. By the time we’ve used those up he’ll probably be fine with our normal shower stuff! Toys are completely optional (and reasonably useless in the shower) – Young Sir was given a set of squirty bath toys and he loves them, but he also loves flannels and splashy water so the toys are optional.

So basically… We’re lazy and cheap, but it works for us and our baby seems happy and clean. Happy days!

Where do you bath your baby? Have you tried showering them? 

Missing your baby (when you're with them)

We've just spent a few days staying with family. This is Young Sir's third trip (both sets of grandparents live in another city) and though I'm a big fan of him having lots of time with his extended family there's a surprising side-effect of hanging out with the rellies: I find myself missing him.

This is in no way a passive-aggressive way of asking the wonderful family members to step back - we feel very lucky to have such a large and happy family around. But as we live out of town and only see everyone periodically it's inevitably pretty full on when we do visit, and while we look forward to visiting it's also now quite nice to get home and have our own family time. I'm surprised by this - not by enjoying being with only my two best boys, but by how much I miss my baby time when we're having quality time with the grandies.

I think part of it is that Young Sir behaves very differently alone with me than he does when others are around - the world is still a pretty big and bewildering place to him, and any additional activity in the room tends to fascinate and distract. And part of it is that I know my baby's signals and others don't, so I end up fighting internal battles - do I speak up and whisk him away for a much needed nap, or let him have another 10 minutes with these important people and risk a meltdown of epic proportions if we push him a bit too far?

Really it's a minor thing - occasionally dealing with an overtired baby is a very small price to pay for the wonderful family we have, and I'm hopeful that lots of trips to stay with grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins will help Young Sir become a versatile boy who appreciates the value of relationships... But it still can be hard in the moment.

Have you experienced this bittersweet feeling?