Losing my hair (hopefully not all of it!)

Things no-one tells you about pregnancy and childbirth #73 - the impact on your hair.

I (fortunately) had read a little bit about this while pregnant - it's quite common for your normal hair loss to slow down during pregnancy, so your hair gets thicker and your drains don't get as clogged. And then, sometime after your baby is born, your body realises it needs to do some shedding and it starts coming out thick and fast.

But I thought I had dodged the bullet; I didn't notice my hair getting thicker during pregnancy, and I couldn't tell if it was falling out less (I have short hair which I think makes both less noticeable). And I'd assumed the post-natal stuff happened pretty quickly after the birth.

So last week when I noticed that there was hair all over the bath I was taken by surprise - because I thought this feature had passed me by. But then I noticed every time I ran my hands through my hair I'd get quite a few strands. And they started showing up on my pillow and on Young Sir. So yup - my hair is definitely saying goodbye.

I'm not worried, because I know I'm only shedding what my body was holding on to - but I am pretty glad I was pre-informed else I might have freaked out a little when I saw this this morning:

The only question I have is: why do none of the greys fall out? I wouldn't miss them!

The El Cheapo guide to bathing a baby

Because of our tiny house I spent a while researching compact baby baths, since every “must-have” list told me I needed one. There are some pretty cool solutions out there – like the Boon collapsible one, or the bath divider that fits in your tub so you only have to half fill it. But unfortunately these all tend to be kinda costly and I was really looking for something cheaper. And the traditional ones take up a lot of space we just don’t have.

I’ve now come to the conclusion that there’s no need for a dedicated baby bath at all.

We sort of had one for the first few weeks – our laundry basket is a black plastic tub that worked out to be a pretty good size for a newborn bath, so we filled it up and had benchtop baths. It was unwieldy to empty though – and if we hadn’t had it I probably would have given the kitchen sink a good clean and used that.

As Young Sir has almost doubled in size since this photo was taken he no longer fits in his box

After a few weeks we worked out that it’s awesome fun to bath with the baby. Now, you do have to sit in the same bathwater as the baby in order to achieve this, and the likelihood of your baby peeing in the bath is approximately 100%, so there is a slight ick factor. There is also the chance of a poonami, which would be truly gross and I understand if you’re not willing to take that risk. It hasn’t happened to us, and I figure the shower is right there in case of emergency (likely to be accompanied by a dance of ickiness – similar to the creepy crawly dance - surely I'm not the only one who does that?)… But the risk is there.

However. Young Sir really likes kicking around in the deep water, and it’s much easier sitting in the tub than leaning over the side. So that’s a good option.

The other option is the shower. It sounds treacherous but honestly – easier than filling a tub and the baby is only the same amount of slippery. It’s easiest as a two person job – getting in and out is simpler with an extra set of hands to pass the baby to – but completely doable solo as well. If I’m on my own I get Young Sir ready, wrap him in a towel and pop him on the floor, shower myself, pick him up and get him clean, turn shower off, wrap him in a towel, put him back on the floor while I get sorted, then dry him off and get him dressed. Like everything this will get harder when he gets mobile… But for now we’re good!

As for the other baby bath stuff you ‘need’ – the hooded towels are nice and quite cute, and we got given several, but regular towels (astonishingly) also work just fine. Washcloths are handy – when Young Sir was very little we used a muslin as the cloth is a bit softer, but now we just use the regular flannels we already had.

We don’t use much in the way of shampoo or soap (he’s mostly bald and doesn’t get very dirty!) and we have a few samples we got from I-don’t-know-where which do the trick if we do want more than water. By the time we’ve used those up he’ll probably be fine with our normal shower stuff! Toys are completely optional (and reasonably useless in the shower) – Young Sir was given a set of squirty bath toys and he loves them, but he also loves flannels and splashy water so the toys are optional.

So basically… We’re lazy and cheap, but it works for us and our baby seems happy and clean. Happy days!

Where do you bath your baby? Have you tried showering them? 

Missing your baby (when you're with them)

We've just spent a few days staying with family. This is Young Sir's third trip (both sets of grandparents live in another city) and though I'm a big fan of him having lots of time with his extended family there's a surprising side-effect of hanging out with the rellies: I find myself missing him.

This is in no way a passive-aggressive way of asking the wonderful family members to step back - we feel very lucky to have such a large and happy family around. But as we live out of town and only see everyone periodically it's inevitably pretty full on when we do visit, and while we look forward to visiting it's also now quite nice to get home and have our own family time. I'm surprised by this - not by enjoying being with only my two best boys, but by how much I miss my baby time when we're having quality time with the grandies.

I think part of it is that Young Sir behaves very differently alone with me than he does when others are around - the world is still a pretty big and bewildering place to him, and any additional activity in the room tends to fascinate and distract. And part of it is that I know my baby's signals and others don't, so I end up fighting internal battles - do I speak up and whisk him away for a much needed nap, or let him have another 10 minutes with these important people and risk a meltdown of epic proportions if we push him a bit too far?

Really it's a minor thing - occasionally dealing with an overtired baby is a very small price to pay for the wonderful family we have, and I'm hopeful that lots of trips to stay with grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins will help Young Sir become a versatile boy who appreciates the value of relationships... But it still can be hard in the moment.

Have you experienced this bittersweet feeling?

The Novice's Guide to Expressing Milk

Expressing milk if you’re breastfeeding is by no means a given – some women are recommended to do so to increase supply, but generally it’s a convenience thing. Many women don’t bother and I can’t blame them – it’s not top of my list of fun things to do of a morning – but for me it made sense.

My main thing was that I missed running and going to the gym. It’s easier to run if you’re not, ahem, brimming with milk; sustained high intensity exercise can reduce the fat content of milk (I try to avoid working too hard but prefer to have a back-up just in case I run out before Young Sir is sated); and going to the gym is a lot less stressful when there’s milk in the fridge in case a feed is required before the class ends.

My other half was also keen to have the opportunity to do a little of the feeding - some of the other blokes he'd talked to had mentioned how nice it was being able to give bottles to their babies, and while that wasn't reason enough on it's own it is pretty cool for him to be able to be part of that side of things. 

So I decided I needed a pump. There are a few different brands and having only used one I can’t provide any useful comparison, but the Phillips Avent Comfort pump seemed pretty popular among my antenatal cohort and I like the way the system works – you can get storage cups which connect directly to the pump, and the teats use the same connector as the pump so everything is interchangeable. It can also operate on battery power if you need it to. 

I balked at the cost – the cheapest I could find it in New Zealand was $230… So I googled! Amazon had the Avent Comfort pump (though obviously lacking an NZ adaptor) for $120USD (I’ve linked to Amazon but the price may fluctuate so do your own calculations). I bought a pack of 10 storage cups as well and paid shipping and the total was $193NZD. So now you know I’m a cheapskate… But hey, it works the same! We already had an adaptor but you can pick them up pretty easily on TradeMe.

The first time I tried pumping I panicked a bit as I couldn’t get my milk to let down. It turned out I didn’t have one of the pieces in the pump firmly enough – everything needs to be firmly in place to create the required vacuum. It can be slow getting to let down even if everything is right, though, so trying again if it doesn't work the first couple of times is recommended. 

It can help to look at photos of your baby to get the milk flowing – and actually expressing while feeding seems to work best for me, but it is pretty awkward juggling a baby and a pump so you might need either assistance to push the buttons or a good strategy to get that working. I have also read that using warm compresses can help encourage the flow.

Yield seems to vary quite a bit by day, which I understand from research (i.e. Googling) is pretty normal. I also hear that babies are much better at getting the milk out than any pump, so you probably can’t accurately guess how much your baby drinks just by pumping.

I have (classy!) created a pumping bra so I can go hands free - hacked holes in the cups of a bra I wore almost to death during pregnancy (here's a similar concept - looks ridiculous but works!). This will come into its own when I head back to work in the New Year - I'll be able to pump both sides at once, which hopefully will mean only one pumping break and I might even be able to continue working (by taking my laptop to the room reserved for the purpose, not by pumping at my desk!) at the same time. 

We assumed Young Sir would be happy taking the bottle but apparently this might not be a given - especially given his outright rejection of dummies! So might pay to have a test run before you abandon your baby with a bottle like I did... We have worked out that he often likes to continue comfort sucking the bottle when he's done eating, which does seem to be what he does when breastfeeding so I suppose makes sense.

I'm pretty pleased that I splashed out on a pump - it's given us some flexibility we wouldn't have otherwise had, and the back-up milk that we have in the freezer also came in handy when I was laid up with a stomach bug and not producing as much as normal.

Did or do you express milk for your wee one? Do you have any tips for making it easier? 

Stuff You Need for a Newborn (in my inexpert opinion)

We’ve always been a bit minimalistic – we like having comforts but both my husband and I have aversions to clutter –and we live in an 80sqm townhouse so there are some natural constraints to what we can reasonably store.

Though everyone told us we’d have to succumb to having our house full of baby stuff we figured we could probably somewhat limit the carnage by thinking everything through, and so far (though the child isn’t yet mobile – I recognise my control will be eroded somewhat when that happens!) we aren’t too babified.

I found it overwhelming looking for information on what you actually need to start off with as a lot of the info out there is written by folk who make their money out of selling baby gear – slight bias there, possibly? 

There are an awful lot of things that you can easily buy soon after your baby's birth if you decide you do need them after all (like pacifiers/dummies - available from the supermarket - and yes, we did that, and no, our child would not take them so I guess they are officially baby clutter now!), and really not many at all which you must have on hand. However, because I like to buy things online (more to choose from + often cheaper) and to plan ahead, I like lists. So I’m sharing what we’ve done, which probably won’t be spot on for anyone else but might at least provide a starting point that isn’t YOU MUST BUY ALL THE THINGS IMMEDIATELY.

I’ve set the list up as a page so it's easy to find for any expectant mums, and I'd love to know what you think. 

Without further ado: 

The Pragmatic Newborn Stuff List

A special thanks to those who I constantly bombarded with questions about what they had and how they did stuff for their babies… It must have been a long nine months for you! 

So tell me - have I missed anything important? What have I added that you don't think is necessary? 

Nursing bras (especially for those who are larger of cup)

One of my pet peeves during pregnancy was the apparent lack of decent maternity bras that actually support. I may be a bit of an idealist but I felt like wanting a bra in the right size that actually made me feel supported, fit properly and didn't give me the dreaded monoboob was not too much to ask. Unfortunately it took me quite a while to find it.

I gained an above-average amount of weight during pregnancy (apparently Young Sir is quite fond of hot chips... That's my story and I'm sticking to it!) and so the need for new bras kicked in pretty early. Initially I ordered some Cake maternity bras online in the next two sizes up from what I was wearing, but they were hopeless - monoboob all the way and no real structure to speak of.

At that point I thought perhaps I ought to try getting fitted, so went to Bendon - but I was already out of their maternity sizes. Next: Kirkcaldies - the lady was helpful but the maternity bras were awful - I tried a few and eventually bought a normal bra in the size I needed and called it a day.

I kept hunting and researching online, and found an Elomi underwired nursing bra that looked quite good, so ordered one from the US. I think this is a good bra structure-wise, but it cut in under the arms on me (despite a seemingly good fit) so it didn't last the distance either. Lots of rave reviews from others though so might work well for some.

I visited Avokado when we happened to be in Auckland in hunt of both regular and sports bras - I did buy a Panache sports bra from them (highly recommended!), no thanks to the moderately rude saleslady who clearly didn't think pregnancy and exercise went together. It's a lovely shop and has many excellent reviews online so I think my experience was anomalous but it was pretty frustrating after especially carving time out of our holiday to go there! They also failed to provide any decent maternity bras (by my scoring), though they do have lots of options.

Finally, when I was about 35 weeks pregnant we visited Christchurch and I went to The Fitting Room (where are Wellington's specialty bra shops?). These guys have great customer service and a pretty huge catalogue and visiting them proved more fruitful - they sold me a much needed (and now well-worn) nursing singlet for night time (this Hot Milk design), and showed me an Anita brand nursing bra with an underwire, which I liked but they said it didn't come in my size (they had one cup size down).

Fortunately my obsession with this quest led me to Googling the brand, and I discovered that I could get the larger size from overseas, so I ordered one from the aptly (though not very creatively!) named NursingBra-Shop.co.uk. Once my milk had come in and supply settled down I bought two more - they are really quite good. Not cheap but monoboob free! The fabric of the cup is quite thin but it seems to do the job so I'm not complaining.

My takeaways from this process are:

• Don't bother with maternity bras in early pregnancy - I went through at least four bra sizes during pregnancy; even if you're not as extreme as me you'll probably experience some change toward the end. 
• Don't underestimate the value of a set of bra extenders! Your rib cage will do weird things and having an extender stashed in your bag can gain you a whole lot of comfort if you're having a squeezy day. 
• Many folk will recommend steering clear of underwires during pregnancy and nursing, due to rapid change in size and the possibility of blocked milk ducts. Because I am yet to find a supportive alternative to the underwire and reject the hypothesis that I have to have a monoboob for the next year, my advice is to monitor your size frequently and upsize whenever you need to, getting properly fitted if you can. I may just be lucky but I have worn underwires throughout, and 4.5 months into breastfeeding I have not had any issues with mastitis or blocked ducts. 
• Remember that (if you plan to breastfeed for a year or more) that you will get a lot of wear out of whatever you buy - so spending a bit more to get something that's comfortable and suits your needs isn't extravagant or silly (though you can save by shopping around if you're tight like me!). 
• Don't go for a fitting without emotional support nearby - hopefully you'll have a great experience but if you're feeling fragile about your changing body a slightly insensitive salesperson might makes things a bit too much to bear. 
• And hopefully (likely if you sit in the A-D cup range normally) you'll find it much easier to find something suitable! 

Mums who've been through it all - did you have any particular standout bras you'd recommend? Did you find it difficult to find the right thing or did your local department store have what you needed? 

Getting through illness while breastfeeding

Being unwell while caring for a small child has never sounded fun (or even bearable, really) but even with reasonable expectations reality can be cruel. I came down with some kind of horrible lergy on Monday which has thrown our week out completely. Luckily for us Young Sir seems to have avoided my bugs so far (as has my other half) which made things easier - but even if all you have to do is feed, it's still pretty gruelling having other demands on you when all you want to do is wrap yourself in a cocoon and sleep for a week.

I also can't recall ever feeling quite as wiped out and woozy when ill - I suspect the breastfeeding, which is a significant energy-guzzler, is to blame for that.

Unsuprisingly it's pretty common for milk supply to decrease during illness - in my case I struggled to drink, let alone eat (though only for a day or so) so my body did seem to slow down a bit on providing food for the small one. Which of course made him antsy about feeding, which I wasn't much in the mood for!

As with most what-do-we-do-here moments in parenting, there are varying and opposing opinions on this, but we had some spare expressed milk in the freezer so we supplemented a little, which helped keep everyone a bit more calm. And we refined the lying-down feed which definitely helped me get through. And Young Sir had lots of gummy grins for me when I was at my worst - like he knew and wanted to make me feel better.

Its common knowledge that antibodies in your milk can boost your baby's immunity, but I hadn't realised that had a more or less instant effect meaning often breastfed babies skip viruses which bowl the rest of the family over. I would definitely choose having to feed the well baby through my illness than him being sick and fussy - even if I didn't have to do the feeding part.

I'm very glad we live in a country with reasonable family sick leave provisions, as we've used two days this week and they were very necessary. I honestly don't know what I would have done if my husband had been away or unable to take leave - so I have much respect to anyone who has had to cope with that awful situation. An example, perhaps, of how modern communities don't serve us when we're vulnerable so well. We have several sets of awesome neighbours, and I could definitely call in some favours but helping me care for a baby while laid up in bed with a virus seems a bit much to ask.

Anyway, I hear that once Young Sir starts daycare (likely to be in the New Year) we can expect plenty more of this, except he won't be dodging the bullets anymore - so I guess that was our practice run.

What has your worst illness-related parenting period been so far? Has the whole family been laid up at once?

The Me vs Him Daytime Outing Conundrum

I imagine this is something that most stay-at-home parents battle with to some degree in the early days: the choice between going out for your own sanity and staying in so your baby gets good naps and stays happy. A friend mentioned to me this week that she'd realised she had been overdoing the daytime outings and I was reminded of my own experience - not that it's ever far from the surface as I still don't think we've got the balance quite right. 

In the early days we went for lots of walks, which was awesome when Young Sir would sleep any old where. I also tried to join as many activities as I could, rocking up to our first playgroup with a seven-week-old baby who slept through the whole thing. Guess who that was for? (hint: not him!) We went to baby yoga (well, grown-up yoga you could bring your baby to) and Active Mums, as well as any catch-ups with our antenatal posse, having coffee with my colleagues and anything else I could find during the day.

I had been warned to have days at home in between days out, but I was desperate to get out myself… However, it wasn’t long before Young Sir began to take an interest in his surroundings, which put a stop to the anywhere-sleep I was relying on – and I noticed a correlation between his grumpiest afternoons and our jam-packed days. It wasn’t super dramatic – but I realised that actually, while good to keep doing some things I would stay saner if I didn’t have a super grumpy baby for the last few hours of every afternoon. 

So now my Active Mums class has finished, I stopped going to yoga, and because I’m now able to squeeze in a couple of morning runs (without Young Sir) we don’t do quite as much walking as before. I enjoy catching up with the antenatal group still, and the odd visit to or from friends – and I’m thinking now the boy is old enough to watch and be amused by other children, and reach for the occasional toy, that it might be time to give playgroup another shot. Especially because it is definitely tough at home some days, just me and him. I love that I am able to be at home with him but that doesn't change the reality of the boredom (on the good days when he sleeps well) or the crankiness (when the sleep is not forthcoming and he doesn't want to be put down). 

We also don’t have a discernible daytime routine which makes it tricky to plan around naps but also means we’re somewhat flexible and just roll with the punches.  

Did you have this internal battle, and if so did you hit a groove at some point or does the compromise continue? Were you happy at home or did you feel a bit trapped sometimes? 

Guilt and Pick & Mix Parenting

We had a bit of a gathering at our place over the weekend and several friends with kids were there. While enjoying watching the kids playing together I was thinking about parenting styles. Everyone we know has different strategies for raising their kids, all of which are right for them and the respective families they're building. I've never seen obvious criticism between friends of parenting styles (nor do I think critically of the way anyone I know does things) and yet I often feel guilty and vulnerable when I share elements of our parenting style.

Some of it is probably that I'm new to the game - perhaps with more time that'll change - but I reckon some of it is down to how apparent criticism of things is in the media - just check out the comments section on any article on infant sleep for an example!

Anyway, much as anyone can weigh in on anything (like I'm doing now, ha!) and much as I love to read every article on the internet to work out how to raise my kid... At some point you've got to just stop and think about the lifestyle you want for your family, pick out what works and run with it. (actually, I imagine plenty of folk less obsessive than I just run with what works from the start - but I am who I am so humour me here!)

There are many different labels - attachment parenting, helicopter parenting, authoritative parenting, to name a few - which can intersect and overlap - and I suspect most people find a mixture of things suit them. I certainly don't completely relate to any one label - I have picked out the bits that work for me and ditched other things that don't (like I love wearing Young Sir in my front pack which might tick a box in the attachment parenting column, but he's been sleeping in his own room since he was a week old, which doesn't seem like an attachment parenting way of doing things).

My sister has adopted what she calls "family centric parenting" and I really like that term. The idea is that rather than the child being the centre of everything the family as a whole is the focus. I really like the concept that it is whatever works for your family at any given moment in time - different to suit different seasons in your life and different in your family from in any other family. The parenting Young Sir experiences will be different from what his cousins grow up with - my sister and I are different, our lives are different, our families are different - but all our kids will be loved, and hopefully happy and healthy.

And what I'm trying to say, in a very convoluted way, is that I reckon whatever you choose to do for your kids and your family will be best... For your kids and your family. So hopefully we can all move away from guilt and embrace our instinct.

(but I'll probably still be Googling everything, just so you know)

Cloth Nappies - my tried-and-tested little baby system

As I mentioned in my last post, we copied our nappy system directly from my sister. The way we work it could be applied to any nappies, but the specific types of nappies are a big part of what has made it successful (and leakproof – not an attribute I take lightly!) for us. Different people prefer different nappies (which is why there are so many kinds) but these are the ones that get my tick of approval right now.

Note that the Snazzipants fitted nappies we use are quite bulky on very wee babies so it took about five weeks before we hit our stride (smaller babies might take longer still). We mostly used disposables at the beginning. We did have two adorable Omaiki newborn nappies which we used in the early days, and also had some prefolds and Snappies we planned to use but never really got that system working. If we have a round two I think I’d be tempted to get some more newborn-specific ones.

Stuff you'll need for this system: 

Snazzipants fitteds (size 1; 20-24 nappies)

Thirsties Duo Wrap covers (size 1; 6 covers)

Boosters for overnight (any kind; we have 3, unsure of brand but similar to this)

Nappy bin (we have this illustrious model) and liner or standalone wetbag

1-2 small wet bags for out and about

Cloth wipes (about 24, or stick with disposable if you prefer)

A washing machine!

(All links are to products I have or the closest equivalent I can find. I recommend shopping around on price and definitely check out secondhand as well)

Using the nappies:

The fitted and cover system means you have to put on (and take off) two layers for each nappy change. The fitted inner works just like a disposable, with velcro tabs – and the cover is much the same, but you want to make sure all the bits of the fitted inner are completely inside the cover. If bits are sticking out the leg or the top then once the nappy is wet it’ll wick onto the baby’s clothes.

If using cloth wipes just wet a wipe before each nappy change. We keep our stack of wipes in the bathroom beside Young Sir’s bedroom so we can run them under the tap. Some people keep a spray bottle handy or you can even make your own cleaning solution and pre-wet them all and keep in a dispenser.

When we change nappies we dump the dirty nappy and cloth (and cover if soiled) into our lined nappy bin, put the new nappy and cover on the small person and Bob’s your Aunty! We alternate covers, just keeping two in circulation at a time, which gives them a chance to dry and air between uses, though this is optional.

When the nappy bin is nearing full or we only have a few clean nappies left (every 2-3 days, erring towards 3 most of the time) we remove the wet bag liner from the bin, tote it down to the laundry and upend the whole thing into our washing machine. We have a front loader which makes the upending a little tricker than for a top loader, but it is still definitely possibly to not touch the nappies! We usually run a 30 degree everyday wash (though we probably could pinch more pennies and do mostly cold washes) with about half as much washing powder as recommended on the box (we just use regular old Surf powder from the supermarket). Then stick ‘em on the line – or in the dryer if you’d rather.

The fitteds take longer than clothes to dry but we have mostly managed to avoid using the dryer. However, we do often need to hang them on an airer inside to finish – so I velcro them all together on the line and just peg either end so I can remove the nappy bunting as one piece and hang inside very quickly. Usually on an airer but when we were staying with family recently I couldn't find one and this happened:

Why I like these specific nappies:

The Snazzipants fitteds are a snug fit with elasticated legs so seem to hold almost everything in. Because they’re separate from the waterproof shell they don’t take too long to dry and they’re not too costly compared with some. They’re readily available secondhand on TradeMe or new from Brolly Sheets. They are a two-size system which means each size is reasonably versatile (though we have found our size one nappies aren’t exactly the same size, so some take slightly more adjusting to get properly covered up).

The Thirsties covers are also a two-size system and can adjust up and down through use of sizing domes – so if you are more adept than us at putting prefolds on a newborn they work perfectly for that as well (or even as a bonus layer of protection over a disposable). They have a gusseted leg which means a better (more leakproof) fit around skinny wee thighs. And they come in plenty of cute designs!

Tips for success:

• Make sure all the cloth bits are inside the waterproof cover each time to avoid leaks
•  Fold the Velcro tabs back on themselves and stick them down before putting nappies in the wash – this stops them all sticking to each other as they jumble around in the machine and helps them last longer
• Wet bags and covers will retain their useful waterproofness longer if they don’t go in the dryer or very hot washes. Because they dry quite quickly we’ve never had an issue getting these dry on the line or on a rack inside if the weather’s bad
• Wet bags are waterproof and therefore may still have a bit of water in them at the end of the wash – hold them upside down away from you before hanging to avoid getting wet! 
• If you buy nappies new you usually have to soak them first to make them more absorbent 

We anticipate that one Young Sir eats real food (changes the output!) and can crawl (i.e. escape) we might want a one piece system - but this one will last for a good while yet.

Have you tried any cloth nappies? What did you think?