I like to know facts, figures, stats, so this approach doesn't really work for me. I like to think I'm pretty good at not getting too attached to specifics like, say, an estimated due date (it helps that Young Sir arrived a few days before his, of course!) but framing up a general expectation so I'm not taken completely by surprise. Whether or not I succeed in not getting attached is somewhat subjective, but at the least I feel more in control when I've got some facts behind me.
The 'no normal' phrase started niggling me when we were learning about labour at our antenatal class. I understand why it was used - there is huge variation in how things pan out - but the lack of any hard numbers (give me the range and maybe some percentages and I'm happy) made it very hard to understand what to expect.
It didn't stop at antenatal class though - I often ask questions in order to obtain the data I'm interested in, and was told many times in pregnancy to stop worrying (which I wasn't) or that I wouldn't be able to use data to predict my own outcomes (not my plan). My midwife was extremely taken aback when I asked her the complications most likely to occur in my labour - she didn't want to scare me (and the explanations she gave were fortunately not relevant to us) but knowing the path for resolving the stuff most likely to go wrong calmed me.
It didn't stop at antenatal class though - I often ask questions in order to obtain the data I'm interested in, and was told many times in pregnancy to stop worrying (which I wasn't) or that I wouldn't be able to use data to predict my own outcomes (not my plan). My midwife was extremely taken aback when I asked her the complications most likely to occur in my labour - she didn't want to scare me (and the explanations she gave were fortunately not relevant to us) but knowing the path for resolving the stuff most likely to go wrong calmed me.
Between my incessant (and probably annoying!) questions and because I read a lot about every current obsession (which pregnancy certainly was for me at the time) I was reasonably well informed. The only bit of my labour that was in any way surprising to me was the length of the pushing stage - and apparently mine (about 2 hours) was very normal for a first timer. But I have heard plenty of stories from women who had a really rough time because they had no idea what to expect - and I wonder if that might be helped a bit if real data was provided.
Anyway, it is true what they say - there is so much variation that there is no "normal" in pregnancy, childbirth and parenting... But there are still averages!
(Emily Oster's excellent book "Expecting Better
" helped me with data on the pregnancy side and I highly recommend it if you are like me and want to understand risks and probabilities)
" helped me with data on the pregnancy side and I highly recommend it if you are like me and want to understand risks and probabilities)
Do you like to know the numbers or are you happy just taking life as it comes?
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